We Still Remember! In Loving Memory of Danielle L. Bowman who went home to be with Jesus November 30, 2005

I sit here tonight in the almost early morning hours and I weep. I weep because I am so overwhelmed right now and so brokenhearted that I can barely see the words I type. It is 1 year later and I think I'm crying as hard now as I did then. The sun has arisen and set for 365 days just the same as if nothing changed. To the majority of the world, nothing has. To those in my world, it could never be the same.
I remember not getting my usual "talk time" on the way to work and wondering if she was running late. I remember my mother walking into my classroom to break the news to me knowing how I was going to react. I remember her saying that they weren't sure but that someone had called the school and said that she was gone. I can see the concern on my 4th graders faces as I held my head and dialed her home number on my cell phone while standing in the front of my classroom. I can hear her sister's screaming even now as she told me that it was true.
Oh, if I let myself, I can feel the nausea as I held my head and kept saying "Oh God, help us, please Lord" in the hallway and I can see Thomasa's face as I explained to her what had happened. Images of us walking back and forth in that hallway praying aloud for help are so fresh in my mind. I remember the stares and the "I'm sorry" remarks and the trip to her house to be with her family in Thomasa's husband's little red truck with her and my mom.
I remember Verna's face. I remember her sense of confusion, as her mind attempted to function normally and then was reminded that this had happened to her baby girl. I remember making the plans, trying to be strong.
I am reminded of the literal pain that I felt looking down on my best friend, for once, being still. She was never still. She was never quiet. I remember speaking about her and looking out at the thousands of people praying for God's guidance to see me through. I remember telling her in my heart, "I'm doing this to honor you for who you are! I want people to know just how great you are!" I can see the graveside and all those with hurt in their hearts wiping tears and wrapping their coats tighter around them to shield the bitter cold.
It hurts my heart to go back. But, it is good to go back. In all that I've reminisced about above, I can feel pain, however, it's a different pain because it was and still is comforted by my, Danielle's, and I pray Your, Heavenly Father. I look back at 12:03 A.M. and I say
"Thank You Lord for what you've brought us through. Thank you for the kindness by so many and the thoughtful hearts that have went the extra mile to help us feel comforted. Thank you Jesus for the love of each of us that love her, coming together to help each other. Thank you for my closer relationship with Verna and Hannah and Derek. Thank you for the memories that I have in my heart with Miss Danielle that I will forever cherish and for letting me have her there at my wedding before calling her home. Thank you from the depths of my soul, most importantly, for holding me in your arms through this past year and all the ups and downs that have came along with it. I praise you in the midst of this storm. You are a good God and you are a constant God. You know exactly what you are doing and we trust your guidance. You have held us when our bodies are weak with grief and you have dried our eyes and lead us on when we have cried a river. Oh, praise be to your precious name Jesus for all that you have been, are now, and ALWAYS will be!"
I am reminded of the verse I used in Danielle's Celebration of Life that I had found marked in the book she had been reading about learning to love again.
Philippians 3:13-14 (King James Version) Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
That's exactly what we must do friends. We have to keep pressing toward Jesus. We grieve, we ache, we hurt, but that's only for ourselves. We know she is OK. We know that she's better than ok. She's WONDERFUL right now. She is elated at the feet of Jesus. We have to focus on our race now, she has finished hers and is enjoying that prize. We must continue on in her footsteps, those that resemble Jesus' so much as He shined in everything she did, and we must keep pushing as hard as we can to finish our race.
I wanted to share with you two more things. The first thing is the thoughts that I shared at Danielle's Celebration of Life last year and then the lyrics of a song that has really touched my heart in this situation. I hope these touch your soul and help you to remember Danielle and the light that she let shine brightly every moment of every day to honor Jesus.

"In Honor of Danielle"
Written Dec. 1, 2005
"Daniel" aka Danielle IS my best friend. I had prayed for God to send me a good Christian friend for so long and He finally did that. She and I hit it off so well. She was the one person in my life that I could call up and she'd be ready to go in no time at all. She loved to be on the go and to get into things, but never things that would hurt her witness. She knew she had to uphold her light for all to see and she tried her best to do that. I know that she succeeded in that. Danielle is beautiful and she doesn't even realize it. She's the kind of girl you'd think would be stuck on herself, but she has never been. She always knew the trends and the latest styles. Always looked like she'd stepped out of a fashion magazine. With that said, she was also the girl that could be one of the guys. She loved hanging out and just being country. The whiny country songs were just her cup of tea. Danielle was definitely one of a kind.

In the past 6 months she and I had become extremely close and I told her all the time that I was so blessed that God sent her to me. She was my partner in Sunday School, in Prayer, and in good and bad times. She celebrated my last few days of single life and my first day of married life. She made an extra effort to make sure that I felt special during the whole thing and I couldn't wait to return the favor. She had began a book that she had gotten while making a hospital Prayer visit and she could not stop talking about it. As I flipped through it and cried I noticed a verse that she had underlined: " Brethren, I could not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14)" This was what she lived by. She made each day count by committing it to God. She Prayed the whole 2 hours to and from work and she was constantly thinking of who she could inspire. She would turn her back on her past, no matter how hard, and focus on improving those situations. And most importantly, she pressed on, making each day take her a little closer to Jesus.

On November 1st of this year, my mom Marsha and I sent her flowers to celebrate her birthday. On November 30th of this month, she woke up in Jesus' arms. The past 30 days have been packed with non stop appointments for her. But she has reached her last appointment, and this time she was on time. And as bad as it hurts me to tell her goodbye, I know that she's having the time of her life worshipping at Jesus' feet.
Danielle, I love you and I'll always consider you my best friend. You'll be with me in spirit. And I'm a better person because you loved me.

In my grief tonight while traveling home from church I found comfort in a song by Third Day entitled, "Cry Out to Jesus." I wanted to post the lyrics for you to read as an encouragement to your hearts on this bittersweet day. Bitter because we grieve, yet sweet because we know that Danielle has already had a whole year with Jesus and is happier than she could ever be on this earth. And I truly believe that it won't be long until we join her with Jesus!

Cry Out To Jesus
Words by Mac Powell / Music by Third Day

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye
And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough
For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

When your lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who struggles with being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

(c) 2005 Consuming Fire Music / ASCAP. All rights administered by EMICMG Publishing. All rights reserved. Used by permission.